A guy once wrote to an ‘Agony Uncle’
“I’m what you’d call a ‘nice guy.’ I am really attractive, take home a good perk and know how to treat women. Ninety percent of my female friends always talk about the great catch I am. Surprisingly, I see those same female friends dating real-life jerks. The question that comes to my mind is why they would never consider dating a ‘nice guy’, one that I am. What do you think about that? Could I be cursed? Don’t women want nice guys? What’s wrong with these women? Please help”
I empathized with him but then realized that women won’t like a ‘nice guy’ simply because being nice is seen as a lack of masculinity, which is what women want. Number two, he’s a man who constantly seeks approval from others.
However, women like ‘nice guys’. Nice guys who are overly different. Guys with strong opinions and that stand up for themselves. Guys who know how to control themselves.
Now, when it comes to women, smart, intelligent, well-off, wealthy and successful women are not any different from ‘nice guys’. As a result, most of them live a single and lonely life.
But before long, let me take you through a real-life experience here. The taxi-hailing services in Nairobi have cropped up so many hidden activities that have been happening with the old taxi system. It will not be a wonder hearing a man complain that a rider took his wife and she has never been seen again. Are you surprised? Is this not the same case with the nduthi guys?
What leads to such happenings is a topic for another day; but this is a complete reflection of the same, with an inverted mirror.
A very affluent woman, who drives herself in a sleek Mercedes Benz hails our taxi from a point at Eastern Bypass. She wants to be taken home to a rather hidden suburb around Westlands. Being a late hour, my guy and I agree we are doing it together, at least until we are sure one of us is safe to take on the job.
We agree I’ll stick somewhere around Sarit. Fast forward to the woman’s place. My guy texts me and tells me that the woman has begged him to stick around and just ‘make her’ night – but, with no strings attached, if he felt awkward about it. Well, they made it and the guy left the following morning – telling me about everything.
I mean, the lady is so single, lives a posh life and will never lack a collection of condoms. That only points to one thing. She lives the chips-funga life, as she later confessed to us after we became friends. Why you would ask. Every time she meets a man, ‘he wants her money’ – that’s what each one of them thinks. The answers are here.
Back to my article:
“I am smart, financially stable, successful and yet I can’t get a guy who loves and appreciates me.’’ Most of them will be associated with this phrase.
Men, I included, like smart women.
The reason why these ‘smart women’ are single is that there is too much happening that is more than just meeting and exchanging minds.
What most of these women never understand is that men evaluate them in more ways than just their ‘impressive traits mentioned above.’
These ‘impressive traits’ come packed with a huge downside and disappointment which is so painful to bear.
When a woman says she is ‘direct,’ the first interpretation that I have is that she is tactless. Self-made ‘direct’ people tell their dates what they think way before even the date asks them. They will want a man who helps in the kitchen, washes utensils, does laundry, and cooks because ‘she is also busy’. These ‘direct’ people will often want to change partners who have no need to be changed. The problem now lands when the person, the guy, in this case, feels they don’t want to be with someone who is so critical. The ‘direct’ person, the woman here, feels and blames him that he couldn’t appreciate her ‘honesty.’ She will report him to her friends of how ‘he can’t help wash plates blah blah blah’.
When a ‘successful’ woman asks whether men are really necessary, if you answer yes, she’ll go ahead and explain why she thinks they are not. “If an amazing woman like so and so could be single, then it means there is absolutely something wrong with men.’’ What such a ‘nice’ woman does not realize is that with all her so impressive credentials and traits; stable, successful, smart, intelligent, she might not be giving men WHAT THEY WANT!
A piece of advice here to women: when a man goes out with a woman, he’s not concerned with whether that woman is articulate enough and on track to make a good partner in his business. Too bad that’s what women want in men and assume it’s of equal importance to them. Women, it’s generally NOT.
Men value intelligence but also want from their lovers what they CAN’T get from their business partners. Affection, nurturing, thoughtfulness and warmth is all men want. If the man in your life or the one about to enter keeps on hearing about the things he needs to change on, he might just realize that he wants a bright woman who is less challenging. He does not need a perfect. Not a bimbo. Not a house help but a person who makes his life EASIER and more pleasant.
A good woman will be one who spends her time loving her man, supporting him and not constantly challenging him and complaining about everything from clothes to movies, to travel plans and wake up time. A woman who is just ‘easy’, pun intended.
You are undoubtedly a great catch. You can teach us a thing or two. You are a go-getter and worthy of every man’s respect, love, and care. Trouble comes in when the go-getter side of you ends up emasculating your man. You make him feel insignificant, impotent, second-guessed. He’s not really getting what he wants from a woman.
Men want to feel masculine. We want to feel needed. And with the generation of women who ask, “Are Men Necessary?” It’s really difficult for us to enjoy our role as men. However, this does not mean that you should play dumb, or be weak or pretend to be needy. Don’t overact rest the guy starts acting like a jackass. What I mean is, it would be necessary to turn off some of the things that make you ‘successful’’ at work. This, I know, is a bitter pill to swallow, perhaps even a double standard. It doesn’t, however, change the fact that “hard-driving, opinionated and meticulous” are not on most men’s lists of ideal feminine traits.
As a lady who considers herself as “direct”, take this to the bank – there’s nothing wrong with these qualities. But if it also coincides with being difficult, dating might be the wrong endeavor for you. It has certainly been, for many.
A piece of advice, dear self-sufficient ladies. If you want to have a man you can call your own, without risking going out with someone’s husband because the Biological clock ticked while you were just there turning men off, listen here. If you think every man who comes your way is after your money, you have a whole Mt. Kenya to climb. If you think that by showing a man how affluent you are will make him stick or know that you are an independent woman, that is Kilimanjaro you are about to climb,
Never intimidate a man because you have money. The conclusion that he is after your money is your problem.
While going for that shopping, leave your car at home. Take a mat. Walk better still. That way, no man will approach you ‘because you are rich and he wants your money’. Let that mentality that you have built in you disappear – otherwise, you will hit 49.5 without even a seed planted in you.
My last pieces of advice; right behind good traits are a series of bad traits. Anyone interested can see that;
- The opposite side of being bright is being wrongly opinionated
- The opposite side of being analytical is being difficult
- The opposite side of being funny is being sarcastic
- The opposite side of having moral clarity is having arrogance
- The opposite side of being entrepreneurial is being a workaholic
- The opposite side of being charismatic is being self-centered
Hasta la vista
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