Photo: dreamstime.com


She lay dead beside me.

Not the kind of breathless death, thanks to a dagger digging deep into the heart; or a bullet raging through the brain. It was neither the death angels that had come to ferry the departed souls across valleys with tangible darkness.

It is simple…

She lay dead beside me, breathing.

It was a slow tense breath. A breath that spoke more than the eyes, the heartbeat, and the twitching lips.

The touch; it was cold. It was unbelievably cold.

Her eyes were pale. Paler than death itself.

The same woman that hours before…no, minutes in fact…had opened up about her plans for us. How we had even baptized our unborn babies.

Those eyes then…

Not for one who was full of joyful love. I should have learned then, what warlord I was up against.

The eyes that once and always set fire upon my soul, splashing a myriad of color to my world. The same set of eyes that pierced my heart the first time that I looked into them; knowing that for a fact, they had trapped me, for life. They were long gone now.

The look in them this time around was different. They were lifeless; to me I was sure. They were longing to meet the other set of eyes, that they were used to whenever I was away.

Her lips had a taste of deception to them. I felt it, with each kiss; which ended up being more of a forced one.

How they failed to respond to mine like they once did. The furious fires, wild desire was now but a mirage, a distant illusion.

I had dug into my past, to find a dead love. The remnants; shreds of my unwanted heart. Had our love failed the test of time? What about when she stood rooted by the bus station, sobbing in my arms, soaking my black jacket, my backpack still on her back? Was all that a lie? That she always wanted to go with me?

Did the vows mean a thing?

Had she any idea, how the thoughts of her had strengthened my soul in everything I did? Even as my boss’ rants wrecked my house every morning, and night?

Had she thought for a second, she was the reason I wouldn’t give out my heart to anyone who yearned for it? How many wars I had to fight? Wars of dejection because I ‘rejected’ to be a part of the ‘leave her and I’ll turn your life to the best’?

I mean, how could I, when all my life, breathing, in and exhaling depended on her? With a woman beautiful as she, waiting for me at the end of it all? I couldn’t.


Waiting for her, all those years, was more relaxing than weary as it would have sounded.

Only to come back to what?


A cold touch, a different woman.


God forbid but my guts screamed there was someone else. The signs, the defensive she, the coldness, the uncontrolled anger…weren’t they enough signs to stop me from hanging on the wire that was soon to be live and naked?

Someone else had poked fingers into my cream.


Stripped off my undying love, from the soulful depth of my woman.


Wait, was she even my woman? Was I just a bridge that was burnt immediately we got to the other side of the river? Only heavens know that.

The fires we had once set upon each other on that same bed were distant memories. The gasps of air after a week of sinful pleasure. Gone!

I became afraid…scared af to confront my demons.

As the life-threatening voices in my head screamed at me over and over again.

“Her love for you is dead man!”


“You know it, it’s someone else in there.”


“Get yourself a life now son.”

“She took advantage of you.”


“She’s gone, dead and gone.”

And that was it; as true as it sounds.

(Adapted from original piece “Death Bed” from https://poemsbylilie.wordpress.com/ with permission from Lillie)


Understanding the Topic Erectile Dysfunction; Is There Hope?

erectile-dysfunction_300When you mention ED, the first thing that clicks is an old man somewhere suffering or having a disappointing sexual life. Even though old age is one of the issues attributed to such scenarios, it would be detrimental if we ruled it out on the young generation, that is, men who are still in their productive ages. Yes, it happens to young males from as early as teenage, and that can be attributed to different personality and lifestyle issues. The fact is, it’s not just older men who suffer from this condition. Here is an article that tries to give insights and advice on how to deal with this bedroom downer.

There is a stereotype that the male libido is always in overdrive. A man can be tall, dark and handsome on the outside but have issues on the inside that can be a total deal breaker. Most men take pride in knowing that they can satisfy their woman on a regular basis, but there are times that they just can’t seem to “rise” to the occasion. Get the hint? Every sexually active woman’s been there at least once.

Contrary to popular belief, erectile dysfunction (ED) is not just an older man’s problem. The condition affects men aged 40-80 in most cases, but men in their 20s can develop it too. One in 10 men will suffer from ED at some point in their life. It can be intermittent, occurring once or twice in a month or excessively alarming. When it is the latter, the affected man finds no fun in touching the woman in their life.

You have heard women complaining that they have not been intimate with their spouses for close to three years. Are you surprised? It happens. This, however, is different from a man who goes outside their maternal cuffs. When this happens, that is infidelity, and it seems that the love flames died long ago. For the group that suffers from ED but do not have mistresses has quite some individuals. Among the few that I have overheard, either in a counseling session or through the media take the time that they would be with their wives pleasuring themselves. Yes, as weird as it sounds. They would rather masturbate than bother their women because they cannot bring their manhood to rise to the occasion.

It’s pretty rare for the source of ED to be the person that he’s having sex with. Although it can feel personal, you shouldn’t blame yourself for your partner’s erectile dysfunction. It usually has a combination of causes – and, experts would say, you probably are not one of them. Some women will feel like, ‘He’s not attracted to me, he’s not into me, or he’s bored by me.’ And that’s really relatively rare compared to the other more likely factors. In older men, blood vessel problems tend to be the main reason for ED. In fact, since the blood vessels in the penis are smaller than those in the heart, heart disease may show up in the penis first. Eighty percent of men who land in the ER with a first heart attack say they developed ED at some point in the three years before

In younger men, the problem is most often psychological. Stress, depression, and performance anxiety, especially when in a new sexual situation, can be the cause. Medications, especially beta-blockers for high blood pressure and certain antidepressants, also can lead to erection problems. In some cases, frequent masturbation and pornographic addiction may cause a man to be unable to perform with a partner. Why is this so? When you develop that strong notion that you can give yourself an orgasm and indeed masturbate, you will no longer find pleasure in women. Some individuals will fancy looking at nudes and photos of naked women online, and that is enough for them to get an erection and an orgasm too.

One of the most common effects of porn that can be identified is that it causes sexual dysfunction, from ED to premature ejaculation to delayed ejaculation. It trains the brain to become aroused to an image, and not a person. And then when the image isn’t present, the person doesn’t provide enough stimulus. And so the arousal process doesn’t work.

This can be the case even if your husband is no longer using porn Yes, actually, it is normal–at least it’s normal for guys who have used porn a lot in their formative teenage years. Even if they’re not using porn anymore, often that arousal process is still messed up and needs to be retrained.

A physical root to ED can often morph into an emotional cause for ED. Because a guy’s virility is so tied up in how he performs sexually, when he suddenly isn’t able to, even if it’s for a legitimate physical reason, it can cause him to become so insecure that he’s afraid to try again. Or when he does try, the stress that he’ll fail causes him to fail.

Other men have an emotional root to ED, to begin with. It could be sexual issues–perhaps sexual abuse in the past, or dealing with homosexual feelings, or some issues from the family of origin. Or more commonly it could simply be stress. He starts to feel like he’s not man enough at work, in the house or another high-pressure situation, and this comes into the bedroom.

If your husband has ED, he’s going to feel sexually nervous. Many men, after a handful of times dealing with ED, swear off sex altogether. There are cases where women say that their husbands have moved into another bedroom. Sometimes these same men are then caught masturbating. The men want to release, but they’re scared of what may happen to their ego if they attempt intercourse. Or they become almost asexual, deciding that it’s safer psychologically to shut down that part of them.

If your man is exuding such signs, what should be the best measures to take? First things first, establish whether it really is an ED or the man has some other issues that he has been hiding from you. He could be getting satisfaction from somewhere else, which is a probability that cannot be ignored. Set out to brave a personal investigation, which could be the beginning of better days.

Some of the first signs include being unable to obtain an erection at all or unable to maintain an erection because it will go down before the climax. There are various causes, such as high blood pressure, diabetes, medications, stress, low testosterone levels, or the aging process. There can also be no specific cause.

The first step to take is to offer to accompany him to the doctor for a physical to make sure the problem is not the result of an undiagnosed medical condition. There is a very high link between erectile dysfunction and cardiovascular disease. If he is discovered to have any underlying medical conditions, he will be referred to a physician or can be put on one of the oral medications such as Viagra or Cialis. However, men with heart problems and take nitrates cannot take the oral medications that can affect their heart, which leads to other options.

Remember that erectile dysfunction can be super embarrassing for a man, so be empathetic when discussing it with him. Be supportive and let him know that there are treatments that are proven to be successful, and constantly repeat words of reassurance. Encourage him to make healthier lifestyle choices such as exercising, staying away from alcohol and smoking, and eating healthier. If he is used to pleasuring himself, bump into him and offer to help him. He might develop a feel that us different and start appreciating the magical touch of a woman. This could see a change in your sexual life if he takes it positively.

If the man is stubborn or feels insecure due to lifestyle issues, take it slow. Some men have been affected by such mere issues as the wife being financially stable than them. As a result, they will feel like the woman is only using them for intimacy since she has everything else that she needs.

Now, what else can you do to try to salvage your marriage before going out to do what your body tells you but the heart is against?

  1. You can try something new. Very often a big, big first step is just enhancing arousal. This can mean ramping up foreplay, reading or watching something sexy together, or coming up with a suggestion for something you haven’t tried before. It might sound weird but make him understand that you do not care. You see, naturally, men have an erection very early in the morning. How about you take advantage of it since it is usually ‘very hard’ to cool it down?
  2. Encourage him to get heart-healthy. A good heart and vascular health end up being good penis health. It may not reverse erection problems that are there already, but it certainly may reduce their progression.
  3. Do help your husband through stress he’s feeling–at work, with finances, with family. Help him talk through his feelings by being a sounding board. Do fun things with him.
  4. Do treat ED as a minor inconvenience–not the end of the world. Sometimes things don’t work; let’s watch a movie instead, or just kiss for a while.
  5. Do work on helping your husband stay healthy. Drink less alcohol, lose some weight, and quit smoking. These can help in the bedroom, too!

It is my hope that this topic gets off from the bedroom when things get all rosy. However, even if things do not work out, take your time and insist on retrying.

I Stand With The Boy Child; #IAmABoyBcsIAm

Boys 3.jpg

I Am A Boy: Let Me Be
Who is a boy child? Who is a man? Who is a gentleman?
Pose the three questions to a woman and she’ll only answer the last one ‘perfectly’. And the problem starts there when we think we have to be treated with an utmost specialty at the expense of the others. This is not a deviation from the norm, but an awakening call to all who understand the role and importance of a man, a male child, a boy in the society.
We are soon going to be talking about ‘man’ as the weaker sex…in terms of opportunities, roles, representations, law, rules and regulations.
Because apparently, everything is made up ‘towards girl-child development’. From ‘Kenya Women Finance Trust’ to ‘Girl child Education Monitoring Fund’ to ‘Women Development Fund’ to ‘Women Empowerment Fund’ to ‘Maendeleo Ya Wanawake’ to ‘Kenya Women Monitoring Fund’ to ‘Jiweze Women Loans’ and ‘Women Enterprise Fund’ to the ‘Kenya Women Finance Trust’. Not forgetting that at every fund that women and the youth are supposed to get loan services from, women will have the best and most lenient terms as compared to the latter.
That notwithstanding, when it comes to employment opportunities, the tag line is always, ‘women and persons with disabilities are encouraged to apply’. This is as if they share what they earn with their spouses….you all know the slogan; ‘chako ni chetu na changu ni changu’.
Of late, we have had occurrences where gender based violence cases have been reported. Surprisingly, it’s only the female victims that are brought to the limelight. Those wanaume who are affected are soon forgotten like a long healed wound, of course with an example to point at.
When Jackline Mwende got her hands chopped of by her husband, every word that came out of our mouths was so negative that we all felt the man should be hanged and then shot and still get killed. The lady enjoyed all the attention until I guess she enjoyed it; (she even forgave her husband…but just the other day, she said she can’t forgive him) from the media and the last one got her a sponsor, LG East Africa who took her to South Korea for a Kshs. 10 Million prosthetic hands operation. She’s now back, complete and ‘ready kujitafutia riziki’.
Trek back to that weekend that she was allegedly attacked by the husband. A man was seriously attacked by his wife at Murang’a County, his reproductive system chopped of and his life taken. That story got no attention. Our so good media possibly didn’t have enough fuel to take them to the home and gather the information that would have rather exposed the other side of Gender Based Violence. Or GBV only happens when a woman is attacked?
The above case is just one drop of water in an ocean. Not one nor two nor three men have had to go through GBV, direct from their spouses. Some of them have been reported, ONCE, and then the story dies.
My question is, nobody has ever seen it fit to send the men abroad to have ‘prosthetic reproductive organs’?
Nobody has ever heard of doctors, even in Kenya, who perform operations on such organs?

From the time a boy child is born, problems start to brew for him. From the time the village and plot women get into the house…”Kiu kihii…!” (That lad)! ”Gikuonga nyina athire…” (‘It’ will suck the mother dry.” For a girl child, it’s “wow what an angel!” “She delivered an angelic baby girl.” “May she suckle with her both cheeks.”

Trouble and problems and misfortunes follow the boy child from there. When the boy is of a considerable age, every mistake done at home becomes his doing. Sugar gets eaten, chapatis get stolen, money disappears (and the boy is the first suspect). When the village ‘grazer’ (the man who looks after our cattle) is not feeling well, it becomes okay for the boy to miss school and do the work. Let anything happen to the animals, he will face the full wrath. Mind you, if the sister was with the boy, the boy will take all the punishment while the ‘kamam’ goes to her momma’s lap.

The boy is now ready to go school. He’s now trained to harden himself. He’s expected to know his way on his own. He is looked upon to help himself harden up and prepare self to face the hard life as it is. The other gender, is up to 2 years after completing her university education, still under her parent’s watch. She will even be taken to school, even at the fourth year, while the boy child I is left to cater for himself at the kindergarten.

At this moment, goodies goodies are for the girl child. The boy child never knows what full size exercise books are. He never knows a dozen of pencils, a dozen of pens, a dozen of markers and a carton of books (exercise books, story books and textbooks). Shoes become a new vocabulary that appears in a boy’s dictionary after primary 8. Smart and beautiful clothes, socks and inner wares are seen the first time the boy is going to high school (at least all that happened during my time).

The boy child knows about under wares (just 1 or 2 for four years) while joining high school. A pair of socks runs him through to the 4th Form. A piece of a collar becomes the school shirt till the day the boy is forced to remove his sweater and the collar disappears, a bare body left to show.

From the onset, till even after bearing children, the girl child is always the parent’s egg. Who remembers anytime when you had an accident at home? Despite the intensity and the injury, my mom would always say, “umejaribu” (congratulations). If the same happened to my sisters, who were elder and stronger, visiting the doctor even at night was so necessary.

The boy child as a result of all that grows into a hardcore fella. He never minds roughing people up to show he has grown up to be what he was expected to be. It’s no wonder why we have so many male prisoners compared to the opposite gender.



Everyone knows why we have the position of a woman representative in our legislature. It is not meant to represent them against themselves (yet they are so enemies of each other); rather, it’s meant to represent them and act on their behalf against ‘men’.
But all that plus so many other injustices happen just before our eyes…..
As we progress, I shall be exposing the injustices revved against men (boy child) Vis a Vis the female gender.

I won’t relent in fighting for the boy child. The movement is on. The revolution is sweeping the ground clean and soon, soon…………

The last bit, no woman should frisk me, if a man can’t frisk a woman………


Join the movement by liking our Facebook page and get updates……

I Am A Boy






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Successful But Single: Why Successful Women Find Themselves Single


A guy once wrote to an ‘Agony Uncle’

“I’m what you’d call a ‘nice guy.’ I am really attractive, take home a good perk and know how to treat women. Ninety percent of my female friends always talk about the great catch I am. Surprisingly, I see those same female friends dating real-life jerks. The question that comes to my mind is why they would never consider dating a ‘nice guy’, one that I am. What do you think about that? Could I be cursed? Don’t women want nice guys? What’s wrong with these women? Please help”

I empathized with him but then realized that women won’t like a ‘nice guy’ simply because being nice is seen as a lack of masculinity, which is what women want. Number two, he’s a man who constantly seeks approval from others.

However, women like ‘nice guys’. Nice guys who are overly different. Guys with strong opinions and that stand up for themselves. Guys who know how to control themselves.

Now, when it comes to women, smart, intelligent, well-off, wealthy and successful women are not any different from ‘nice guys’. As a result, most of them live a single and lonely life.

But before long, let me take you through a real-life experience here. The taxi-hailing services in Nairobi have cropped up so many hidden activities that have been happening with the old taxi system. It will not be a wonder hearing a man complain that a rider took his wife and she has never been seen again. Are you surprised? Is this not the same case with the nduthi guys?

What leads to such happenings is a topic for another day; but this is a complete reflection of the same, with an inverted mirror.

A very affluent woman, who drives herself in a sleek Mercedes Benz hails our taxi from a point at Eastern Bypass. She wants to be taken home to a rather hidden suburb around Westlands. Being a late hour, my guy and I agree we are doing it together, at least until we are sure one of us is safe to take on the job.

We agree I’ll stick somewhere around Sarit. Fast forward to the woman’s place. My guy texts me and tells me that the woman has begged him to stick around and just ‘make her’ night – but, with no strings attached, if he felt awkward about it. Well, they made it and the guy left the following morning – telling me about everything.

I mean, the lady is so single, lives a posh life and will never lack a collection of condoms. That only points to one thing. She lives the chips-funga life, as she later confessed to us after we became friends. Why you would ask. Every time she meets a man, ‘he wants her money’ – that’s what each one of them thinks. The answers are here.

Back to my article:

“I am smart, financially stable, successful and yet I can’t get a guy who loves and appreciates me.’’ Most of them will be associated with this phrase.

Men, I included, like smart women.

The reason why these ‘smart women’ are single is that there is too much happening that is more than just meeting and exchanging minds.

What most of these women never understand is that men evaluate them in more ways than just their ‘impressive traits mentioned above.’

These ‘impressive traits’ come packed with a huge downside and disappointment which is so painful to bear.

When a woman says she is ‘direct,’ the first interpretation that I have is that she is tactless. Self-made ‘direct’ people tell their dates what they think way before even the date asks them. They will want a man who helps in the kitchen, washes utensils, does laundry, and cooks because ‘she is also busy’. These ‘direct’ people will often want to change partners who have no need to be changed. The problem now lands when the person, the guy, in this case, feels they don’t want to be with someone who is so critical. The ‘direct’ person, the woman here, feels and blames him that he couldn’t appreciate her ‘honesty.’ She will report him to her friends of how ‘he can’t help wash plates blah blah blah’.


When a ‘successful’ woman asks whether men are really necessary, if you answer yes, she’ll go ahead and explain why she thinks they are not. “If an amazing woman like so and so could be single, then it means there is absolutely something wrong with men.’’ What such a ‘nice’ woman does not realize is that with all her so impressive credentials and traits; stable, successful, smart, intelligent, she might not be giving men WHAT THEY WANT!

A piece of advice here to women: when a man goes out with a woman, he’s not concerned with whether that woman is articulate enough and on track to make a good partner in his business. Too bad that’s what women want in men and assume it’s of equal importance to them. Women, it’s generally NOT.

Men value intelligence but also want from their lovers what they CAN’T get from their business partners. Affection, nurturing, thoughtfulness and warmth is all men want. If the man in your life or the one about to enter keeps on hearing about the things he needs to change on, he might just realize that he wants a bright woman who is less challenging. He does not need a perfect. Not a bimbo. Not a house help but a person who makes his life EASIER and more pleasant.

A good woman will be one who spends her time loving her man, supporting him and not constantly challenging him and complaining about everything from clothes to movies, to travel plans and wake up time. A woman who is just ‘easy’, pun intended.

You are undoubtedly a great catch. You can teach us a thing or two. You are a go-getter and worthy of every man’s respect, love, and care. Trouble comes in when the go-getter side of you ends up emasculating your man. You make him feel insignificant, impotent, second-guessed. He’s not really getting what he wants from a woman.

Men want to feel masculine. We want to feel needed. And with the generation of women who ask, “Are Men Necessary?” It’s really difficult for us to enjoy our role as men. However, this does not mean that you should play dumb, or be weak or pretend to be needy. Don’t overact rest the guy starts acting like a jackass. What I mean is, it would be necessary to turn off some of the things that make you ‘successful’’ at work. This, I know, is a bitter pill to swallow, perhaps even a double standard. It doesn’t, however, change the fact that “hard-driving, opinionated and meticulous” are not on most men’s lists of ideal feminine traits.

As a lady who considers herself as “direct”, take this to the bank – there’s nothing wrong with these qualities. But if it also coincides with being difficult, dating might be the wrong endeavor for you. It has certainly been, for many.

A piece of advice, dear self-sufficient ladies. If you want to have a man you can call your own, without risking going out with someone’s husband because the Biological clock ticked while you were just there turning men off, listen here. If you think every man who comes your way is after your money, you have a whole Mt. Kenya to climb. If you think that by showing a man how affluent you are will make him stick or know that you are an independent woman, that is Kilimanjaro you are about to climb,

Never intimidate a man because you have money. The conclusion that he is after your money is your problem.

While going for that shopping, leave your car at home. Take a mat. Walk better still. That way, no man will approach you ‘because you are rich and he wants your money’. Let that mentality that you have built in you disappear – otherwise, you will hit 49.5 without even a seed planted in you.

My last pieces of advice; right behind good traits are a series of bad traits. Anyone interested can see that;

  • The opposite side of being bright is being wrongly opinionated
  • The opposite side of being analytical is being difficult
  • The opposite side of being funny is being sarcastic
  • The opposite side of having moral clarity is having arrogance
  • The opposite side of being entrepreneurial is being a workaholic
  • The opposite side of being charismatic is being self-centered

Hasta la vista




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Kilimall, the Force to Reckon With in E-Commerce


Kilimall cannot be ignored as it’s among the e-commerce players that are currently on the forefront, contributing immensely to the Kenyan economy as internet users are soaring on a day to day basis. Internet consumption is also to be noted as increasingly gaining extra momentum, giving the likes of Kilimall a great share from the usage.

Kenyans are increasingly following the online shopping trend as it’s now easier to buy anything you want, anytime and at any place and have it delivered straight to your door. It would never have been so convenient just having to buy some item and have it delivered right where you want it just at the tap of a phone.

From electronics to household items to clothing and footwear. From automotive, motor parts, phones and their accessories, fashion, home décor, sporting, computing, sound systems, televisions, beauty, office products, books to music, Kilimall is definitely the next stop shop.

One is only required to create an account with them, on their website, Kilimall.co.ke, login and bam! You browse through the categories, with ease, make your purchase and relax, in readiness for the order to reach you. One can also collect their orders from the different avenues the e-commerce entity has established.

The latest advancement has been the launch of their mobile app which is easier, quicker and faster to navigate and use.

For customers who live miles away from Nairobi, which is the Capital of Kenya and the biggest business hub will find it even cheaper to do online shopping and have their orders delivered via all the media that Kilimall has and is still setting up.

Kilimall, which recently entered into a contract with the Kenya Postal Corporation for its online customers to use the Posta outlets, around 600 of them across Kenya, as collection points and also for order placements, is the force to reckon. This will go a long way in ensuring an even better, safer and reliable way of delivering online bought goods, a practice that has taken Kenyans with a swipe for the last two years now.

The deal is also seen as a savior to the state-owned corporation as it will also highly invigorate its presence in the communication sector, earning even more from what the normal business is.

Kilimall, as a result, could be quickly edging out other international online malls including the multinational Olx and Jumia by digging deeper into the far reaching areas, the marginalized ones and the rural areas by taking advantage of the vast Postal Corporation structure.

The online shopping mall has also ventured into the Ugandan market and is already giving their likes a run for their money, with the latest being a plan to open doors in Nigeria. Just a few months after its launch in Uganda, the website is clearly already overwhelmed.

Not to forget, it has been the first one to offer some crazy offers where customers can buy as much as a phone at 1 bob, the latest being the much-awaited promotion dubbed “CRAZY WEEK DEALS” which could be the best ever to be carried out. Customers will have a chance to take a rush for the best deals. An Infinix Hot 4 phone will up for grabs for as low as 6 shillings while Infinix Hot 3 X554 will be going for 7 shillings. The promotion will be running from the 26th through 30th of September 2016

I’ll personally have to stay online waiting for the deals………I should be the first one to grab the hottest deal.





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Dj Afro, Kimonda: Why DJ Afro’s Movies Lead As Urban Kenya’s Preferred Home Cinema Collection

Tired of watching Eastern, Western or old action movies while reading subtitles simultaneously? Using simple technology, DJ Afro Amigos, Kenyan translator cum commentator has mastered the art of keeping viewers glued to the screen without butting an eyelid, inspiring others to follow the trend.


Back then, English movies were merely translated into Swahili. Today, taking the notch higher, DJ Afro’s movie collection translated in Swahili – and a touch of Kikuyu and Swahili slang are now not only selling like hot cakes in up market neighborhoods but are each generating at least 40,000 views on Youtube.

Indeed, translating movies into English can take hours and can be a taxing venture, as professional transcribers have to translate word for word in each movie. However, DJ Afro’s tactics are simple, thanks to the entertainment found in his interpretation skills than from the movie. All one needs to do is to buy the rights of the movie watch it, and get the theme.

Then using sound equipment such as Pioneer’s DJM-900 nexus digital mixers mostly used by DJ performers, or a H4n audio recorder, the DJ takes the role. An ideal combination with Pioneer’s CDJ line of players, the DJM-900nexus comes with a multitude of new features which includes a variety of onboard effects, increased sound quality, and direct PC connection to enable any DJ to perform to their utmost potential.

And while watching each scene and then combining his audio translation and the visuals of the movie, a DJ does the voice over. And with much creativity and charisma, the DJ translates the movie scene by scene using Africa’s oral narrative way of telling stories. In the beginning, he describes the scene in local Swahili language. Then, in raunchy or romantic scenes, he adds a touch of Kikuyu and Swahili Slang, thus capturing viewer’s attention.

“I loved your movies DJ back then in Kenya coz of my younger bro who was and is still addicted to them I miss those movies so much,” notes Winnie, commenting on DJ Afro’s movies on Youtube.

However, the challenges the translated movies face is that they lack other special effects such as the stereo sound effect.

In all, while the current cinema line up in Kenya includes movies like romance, action, adventure and thriller movies like “Kick”, in the next few months, don’t be surprised if the likes of DJ Afro does his thing of unleashing the latest transcribed movie versions.

DJ Afro’s Facebook page generating close to 50,000 likes can be viewed here.



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Just yesterday, I got released from the Pumwani Maternity Hospital ward 3. They realized I had taken a considerable number of days without hearing well. So they started suspecting and seeing me from 18 and realized I was there to eat and drink undercover. Well, every bachelor would do that. Plus if a thikati like that of me, the dentistless works there, what would you expect?

So they chased me away and I left, heart side (shingo upande). Since it was a national holiday, my soap of heart was not working. She therefore didn’t even know that I was released, against my wish though. I decided to pass by her house and tell her what happened and maybe see if the luck of fisi was on my side that day.

With the little money I had saved by eating the hospital’s food, I bought some Lucozade, Shark, Fizo, Afya, apples, bananas, water melon of fefte and anything else that is said to rejuvenate ones energy. As I went to buy tatu-mbao, only fisis know what are those, the devil was telling me that he will laugh at me when I go there. But he would not tell me why. I looked at him with those eyes of divorced women and that mouth of Nigerian women and told him to go drying. He didn’t die heart though. Little did he know Ninjas never die, and if they die, they don’t decompose nor stink.

That day was bad because I didn’t find tatu-mbao. I was given others that I didn’t know and when I gave out a five hundred note, I got a 100 hundred shillings note. I felt like asking the pharmacy attendant whether they are reusable but since it was a fisilet, I said I will revenge with her, but later.

Knock knock. I knocked again, louder since her sub-woofer was at high pick. At this time, the devil sent lucipher and her shildren to laugh at me. I told them to just watch the movie, Season 1 Episode 1.

Just then, the door opened halfway. It’s then I realized I was MIA. The door pushed something and I saw what it was. Army boots, number 17. Mayooo! Kwa kwa kwa. Saitani’s family was laughing as a giant of four banana stocks (miramba minne) asked me what I wanted. I didn’t even reply. I realized it was not a dream when he snatched my shopping paper and removed the bullet proof vests, sipped every drink and then gave me a leg of year (teke la mwaka) of stomach.

Wee! I didn’t know how I got to the stage. I was removing water like that bottle in Coca Cola’s advert…before I forget, I am suing Coke for this big lie. But that is for another day.

I thought it was Fast and Furious 15 with Vin Diesel having graduated to a philistine, Goliath to be specific.

All I along I thought that creators were worse than creations since we are told we even create with mucus and sacks of maize. Kumbe some creations play like Wayne Rooney, Rushford, Mata, Martial and Ronaldo combined. Even Messi becomes a shadow. Anyway, I said to be promised is not to be given and it flies even if it is unfeathered (iri mbute).

The stupid saitani of doom was just laugh laughing and he told me I shall leave like a castrator of donkey or burier of grandmother. I tolded him he has problems and not of clothes….he was like, ‘umekula kwa macho……mh’

I didn’t know my dentistless was not a real sponsorless. She was just a scratcher of hides and skins but she didn’t know she can remove even a coin from me. I didn’t know she is those thikati that go with any that just uproots. Thunder fire will strike her. She will rot and burn in hell, near where lucipher will be burning. All this time kwaja, the devil was like ‘unakula tu kwa macho…who is laughing now?’

Haidhuru! I tolded myself. I shall revenge.

I boarded one of our route’s matatu and pretended to forget all that. It was well with me until the vehicle started to locomote. It first gave an airplane’s voice as it started to left stage. After it catched the road, just leave. I was going to go. It was not hearing stones on the road. It looked so new but I guess it was misused by the workers of it since they say something that is not yours you don’t hear pain. But as new as it looked, it was removing smoke to remove. You would think it was car of firewood.

We were wenting being hit holes by the driver who seemed to be high on something irregal. He seemed not to have sympathy on shildren he has not born for himself. The speed was of devil I tell you. One woman tried to complain but taimagine she was told aliregarega when she was working and didn’t save for retirement and buy herself a personal car. I said to my heart, today is just a dream.

Let me to tell you, in the midst of the dream, the matatu hit a big bump and my neighbor was thrown one feet up. As she came tumbling down, I took advantage and slid to her sit. Guess what, she sat on a sit of meat. Myself he’s not cockroach. I said this one is manna from above, and I wasn’t about to let another fisi deny me my rightful chance of climbing.

The devil is a liar. She pretended not to note the sudden change of the sit’s density. She tried sliding from right to left, spoiling my metabolism, blood system, sugar lever and sperm count. Everything went high and then suddenly, the matatu came to a halt stop.

Am telling you saitani is not a boy. She was among the ones that lefted the bus…..I will finish the story when miagra gets to low levels