When you mention ED, the first thing that clicks is an old man somewhere suffering or having a disappointing sexual life. Even though old age is one of the issues attributed to such scenarios, it would be detrimental if we ruled it out on the young generation, that is, men who are still in their productive ages. Yes, it happens to young males from as early as teenage, and that can be attributed to different personality and lifestyle issues. The fact is, it’s not just older men who suffer from this condition. Here is an article that tries to give insights and advice on how to deal with this bedroom downer.
There is a stereotype that the male libido is always in overdrive. A man can be tall, dark and handsome on the outside but have issues on the inside that can be a total deal breaker. Most men take pride in knowing that they can satisfy their woman on a regular basis, but there are times that they just can’t seem to “rise” to the occasion. Get the hint? Every sexually active woman’s been there at least once.
Contrary to popular belief, erectile dysfunction (ED) is not just an older man’s problem. The condition affects men aged 40-80 in most cases, but men in their 20s can develop it too. One in 10 men will suffer from ED at some point in their life. It can be intermittent, occurring once or twice in a month or excessively alarming. When it is the latter, the affected man finds no fun in touching the woman in their life.
You have heard women complaining that they have not been intimate with their spouses for close to three years. Are you surprised? It happens. This, however, is different from a man who goes outside their maternal cuffs. When this happens, that is infidelity, and it seems that the love flames died long ago. For the group that suffers from ED but do not have mistresses has quite some individuals. Among the few that I have overheard, either in a counseling session or through the media take the time that they would be with their wives pleasuring themselves. Yes, as weird as it sounds. They would rather masturbate than bother their women because they cannot bring their manhood to rise to the occasion.
It’s pretty rare for the source of ED to be the person that he’s having sex with. Although it can feel personal, you shouldn’t blame yourself for your partner’s erectile dysfunction. It usually has a combination of causes – and, experts would say, you probably are not one of them. Some women will feel like, ‘He’s not attracted to me, he’s not into me, or he’s bored by me.’ And that’s really relatively rare compared to the other more likely factors. In older men, blood vessel problems tend to be the main reason for ED. In fact, since the blood vessels in the penis are smaller than those in the heart, heart disease may show up in the penis first. Eighty percent of men who land in the ER with a first heart attack say they developed ED at some point in the three years before
In younger men, the problem is most often psychological. Stress, depression, and performance anxiety, especially when in a new sexual situation, can be the cause. Medications, especially beta-blockers for high blood pressure and certain antidepressants, also can lead to erection problems. In some cases, frequent masturbation and pornographic addiction may cause a man to be unable to perform with a partner. Why is this so? When you develop that strong notion that you can give yourself an orgasm and indeed masturbate, you will no longer find pleasure in women. Some individuals will fancy looking at nudes and photos of naked women online, and that is enough for them to get an erection and an orgasm too.
One of the most common effects of porn that can be identified is that it causes sexual dysfunction, from ED to premature ejaculation to delayed ejaculation. It trains the brain to become aroused to an image, and not a person. And then when the image isn’t present, the person doesn’t provide enough stimulus. And so the arousal process doesn’t work.
This can be the case even if your husband is no longer using porn Yes, actually, it is normal–at least it’s normal for guys who have used porn a lot in their formative teenage years. Even if they’re not using porn anymore, often that arousal process is still messed up and needs to be retrained.
A physical root to ED can often morph into an emotional cause for ED. Because a guy’s virility is so tied up in how he performs sexually, when he suddenly isn’t able to, even if it’s for a legitimate physical reason, it can cause him to become so insecure that he’s afraid to try again. Or when he does try, the stress that he’ll fail causes him to fail.
Other men have an emotional root to ED, to begin with. It could be sexual issues–perhaps sexual abuse in the past, or dealing with homosexual feelings, or some issues from the family of origin. Or more commonly it could simply be stress. He starts to feel like he’s not man enough at work, in the house or another high-pressure situation, and this comes into the bedroom.
If your husband has ED, he’s going to feel sexually nervous. Many men, after a handful of times dealing with ED, swear off sex altogether. There are cases where women say that their husbands have moved into another bedroom. Sometimes these same men are then caught masturbating. The men want to release, but they’re scared of what may happen to their ego if they attempt intercourse. Or they become almost asexual, deciding that it’s safer psychologically to shut down that part of them.
If your man is exuding such signs, what should be the best measures to take? First things first, establish whether it really is an ED or the man has some other issues that he has been hiding from you. He could be getting satisfaction from somewhere else, which is a probability that cannot be ignored. Set out to brave a personal investigation, which could be the beginning of better days.
Some of the first signs include being unable to obtain an erection at all or unable to maintain an erection because it will go down before the climax. There are various causes, such as high blood pressure, diabetes, medications, stress, low testosterone levels, or the aging process. There can also be no specific cause.
The first step to take is to offer to accompany him to the doctor for a physical to make sure the problem is not the result of an undiagnosed medical condition. There is a very high link between erectile dysfunction and cardiovascular disease. If he is discovered to have any underlying medical conditions, he will be referred to a physician or can be put on one of the oral medications such as Viagra or Cialis. However, men with heart problems and take nitrates cannot take the oral medications that can affect their heart, which leads to other options.
Remember that erectile dysfunction can be super embarrassing for a man, so be empathetic when discussing it with him. Be supportive and let him know that there are treatments that are proven to be successful, and constantly repeat words of reassurance. Encourage him to make healthier lifestyle choices such as exercising, staying away from alcohol and smoking, and eating healthier. If he is used to pleasuring himself, bump into him and offer to help him. He might develop a feel that us different and start appreciating the magical touch of a woman. This could see a change in your sexual life if he takes it positively.
If the man is stubborn or feels insecure due to lifestyle issues, take it slow. Some men have been affected by such mere issues as the wife being financially stable than them. As a result, they will feel like the woman is only using them for intimacy since she has everything else that she needs.
Now, what else can you do to try to salvage your marriage before going out to do what your body tells you but the heart is against?
- You can try something new. Very often a big, big first step is just enhancing arousal. This can mean ramping up foreplay, reading or watching something sexy together, or coming up with a suggestion for something you haven’t tried before. It might sound weird but make him understand that you do not care. You see, naturally, men have an erection very early in the morning. How about you take advantage of it since it is usually ‘very hard’ to cool it down?
- Encourage him to get heart-healthy. A good heart and vascular health end up being good penis health. It may not reverse erection problems that are there already, but it certainly may reduce their progression.
- Do help your husband through stress he’s feeling–at work, with finances, with family. Help him talk through his feelings by being a sounding board. Do fun things with him.
- Do treat ED as a minor inconvenience–not the end of the world. Sometimes things don’t work; let’s watch a movie instead, or just kiss for a while.
- Do work on helping your husband stay healthy. Drink less alcohol, lose some weight, and quit smoking. These can help in the bedroom, too!
It is my hope that this topic gets off from the bedroom when things get all rosy. However, even if things do not work out, take your time and insist on retrying.